Oddly Unfocused

Akachan's Operation: Treat Raid

2011-12-08T02:21:00.001-06:00

(Picture from petazon.com)

Akachan, that silly fuzzbutt of mine shows that she's got a similar issue with a angel on one side and a devil on the other, and Sunday night the temptation was too great - so the devil won.

Like any operation, raids have to be planned. So letting the box of Greenies to stay on the floor untouched for a few days making us humans thinking that she'll leave it that way. Well, until the time was right...

While I was at work and Josh downstairs playing Perfect World International (MMORPG we both love to play) the time couldn't be any more perfect, I guess. Josh was also talking to friends as well on Ventrilo so he was more the aptly distracted - Akachan made her move.

So up the stairs and nosing off the lid, Akachan then fussed with the opened bag in the box until she hit paydirt. Then she proceeded to nom on the nearly full box of Greenies with little to no stealth due to the thrill of success. That lack of stealth is what caused Josh to tell his friends that he'll be right back - there was some 'unusual rustling sounds' upstairs. Like any parent suspecting suspicious activity, Josh sneaked upstairs and lo and behold - saw Akachan's rump facing him with her face partially buried in the Greenie box, getting another one!

So Josh gave Akachan a smack on the rump - which caused her to drop her loot and turn around with the "Oh SNAP!" look on her face. Josh proceeded to scold her, calling her the dreaded BG - Bad Girl - and picking up the box of Greenies only to find that there was only two left. That box was only opened a few days ago so she had at least twenty Greenies that night!!

When I came home Akachan was acting like she was guilty and happy to see me - Josh told me the night's events and I shook my head. I had a small grin playing on my face and told Josh that my friend would love to hear about this for basically Akachan 'busted a Joy'. Yes, 'busted a Joy' is correct for my friend's dog was the first one I met that raided the treats - and that is an hilarious tale to tell for another time perhaps.

Loss of a hero, best friend, closest confidant...my mom.

2011-09-07T02:12:00.003-05:00

It's hard. Sure, death is hard - but somehow knowing it's coming makes the grieving easier, behooves one to spend more time with the-soon-dearly-departed. But when death comes unexpectedly and destroys dreams of future quality time with the loved one - it's brutal.

My mom was in the hospital before her open heart surgery on 29 August and she pulled through that with complications, but her last surgery today (6 September) to get rid of fluids in the lung (usually done by a stint placed in the chest to act like a drain hole) and there was plans that she would be released tomorrow.

Before her surgery, I was lucky to have called her - grateful to my brother to suggest doing so when I called him to see if Mom was up to talking to anyone. I remember thinking after I get finished with college I'd come up to visit.

Well, during her surgery today her heart stopped. They tried to do the crash cart scene, but she was long gone on to Heaven. So when my brother called me with the news, I was shell shocked. I still am if truth be told, for it was suppose to be a simple procedure.

So she went home a day early, but different address then the hospital had on record; it was curious how both me, my husband, and my mother-in-law were thinking she was overdue for a vacation - well, it seems that was remedied by the best place to be for eternity.

I'll admit at the moment it's not enough comfort against the raw feeling of loss. I lost someone I'd try to call every night just to catch up and talk to about things in my life; sometimes it'd take a little coaching and borderline pestering to have my mom tell me about how things were with her - but it was worth it or it'd feel that conversation wasn't a true one for there was no true give and take.

My mom was a true giver, but like any giver they need to sometimes to have someone give back so they don't burn out - I realize I gave back in a small meaningful way though it seems. (I've been told I'm a good listener, but horrible talker due to mispronunciation and such.) I could tell her anything and she did the same.

When I first met her at seven years of age, I was what the case workers thought was prime loony bin material - I made no eye contact, was a boor in social behavior, and preferred my own company than to figure out the dynamics of interacting with others for it was a mystery I didn't get. Sure, some of it is autism traits (as well at the time undiagnosed ADD) and some of it was due to the nasty abuse and neglect I had endured before the State stepped in and took me and my two siblings out of my birth father's custody.

I, with my brother and sister entered that house and asked if we could stay here, if we could call her Mom. The atmosphere there was unlike anything I had seen in other foster homes - here it felt we wouldn't be treated as a means to get money and the sharp contrast between the children they had and 'us' wasn't there. I could say it's the first time I felt what love was actually.

I can't say how many times Mom would talk to me or I'd ask her something only to have her say, "Eyes on me, not over my shoulder. I'm right here in front of you." Or her explaining why what I did was tactless or rude and what would've been appropriate response was. I was bullied through out elementary and middle school, she was the one that listened to me, wiped my tears and got involved with the teachers and principal to try to correct the problem.

I remember Ms. Burke in middle school saying part of the problem was the 'sign' I wore made me a target for I was different. The 'sign' was vibes, I guess. I didn't think being eccentric was bad, but at the time I didn't know how dangerous it could be not to be considered 'normal'. Luckily in high school, there was enough eccentrics present so I wasn't a target - or maybe at this time in my life after a hellish time in a private school for 8th grade I learned to be more assertive and confident so I didn't come across as an easy target.

In fact in high school, the groups were there and in an alcove in the cafeteria I'd meet with other 'eccentrics' and enjoy conversations from Star Trek to Wicca and more. The only one not welcomed was my oldest brother, for he didn't hesitate to tell someone their beliefs were wrong - which killed the conversation and broke the unspoken rule we had. Me? It was common sense, I guess due to lessons from Mom, not to get on a soap box and tell someone they're wrong to think that way. My oldest brother didn't learn that or get Shakespeare's memo or Voltaire's tip either:

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." - Shakespeare

"Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so too." - Voltaire

To be honest, I think Mom taught me about altruism - we volunteered as a family to help out on events, always ready to listen, give advice, and lend assistance. I saw it everyday growing up and heard about it as well when I moved out.

Mom also was the first to accept me as I am - prone to writing than speaking to communicate and tendency to have to write out my thoughts at times to identify my feelings. I tend to do homework listening to music and it was a lengthy process - for my attention would wander but eventually it got done. Proof reading my reports took a bit of time for Mom, for like my attention the topics wandered and Mom had to read over it and often with a chuckle help me order it so it would make sense.

I loved walking on Wash-Away Beach (out near Tokeland, WA) with my mom. There wasn't much conversation due to the ever roaring ocean but we enjoyed being together feeling the cold wind, wet sand, and seeing the waves come in, the landscape constantly moving it seems but at a different pace then we walked.

Going shopping in Westport, to Granny Hazel's shop was a must for their awesome homemade salt water taffy. They made their taffy right in the shop, and they also had the neatest gifts – no trip up in that area was complete until we got to go there.

Mom would drag all of us out to Carpenter's Lake for camping - not only did she really have to load up the van for we had metabolisms of fire; that poor van was also crammed pack with our clothes and toys too. (Five kids to feed at lunch was a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jam - 5 sandwiches for one, 3 being the lowest it seemed! Not to mention a half gallon of milk too.)

The long road trips to see Uncle Harry and Aunt Cherry up in Tonasket, so far up north it's close to the Canadian border. Those roads through the mountains were scary but breathtaking, then there was the bunny chapel and the Grand Coulee Dam, and the garnet cave Uncle Harry would get permission for us to go to peek around and dig out of the mica some of the gems.

I loved camping growing up - sleeping outside was fine. Just make sure there's a tarp beneath me, another one above me, and plenty of blankets and I'd be snug as a bug in a rug. I remember one Eastern Washington trip, Mom came out the following morning nudging my feet with her foot - she didn't know if I froze or not but was relieved to find out I was fine. In fact I was reluctant to get out of my nice warm cocoon - but had to do that and the bolt to the cabin with frost on the ground for breakfast. During breakfast Mom teased Dad and my brothers who declared the night before they would be 'macho' and sleep outside to give more room for the girls - the only one who braved the night temperatures was a gal. I still chuckle over that.

I know some might want to say what nerve I had to stay home in Swamp East Missouri and not go up when Mom was having her initial surgery; I wavered on that pretty anxiously truth to be told. I called Mom before she had that surgery and she told me to stay home - no point coming up here anxious when I got classes to finish and besides, my siblings can handle what needs to be done. So I did the best I could, still being anxious and distracted due to circumstances is understandable.

However, with her being passing studying for my classes is nigh impossible with the grief. Like rain, when tears fall they clean inside and soothe the pain of loss and as the grief's initial jagged wounds are marks of a violent internal storm on a emotional landscape - they will pass in time.

I miss her, and hope to remember before dialing to call Mom; she's not at that number anymore. Dad is, true, but he wouldn't appreciate the late night call.

Edited due to grammar mishaps that I didn't catch the other night.

One of my favorite foods...

2011-08-12T05:19:00.000-05:00

I'll be honest. I love rice, there are times it can top chocolate odd as it may seem with me. You can pretty much keep the rice pilaf, thanks, I prefer the sticky kind often used in Asia. I love it with some rice seasoning and Kikkomon soy sauce. Rice seasoning I use I have to get from Amazon, for I have yet to find that elusive ethnic store up in Cape Girardeau to see if they carry it - it's called Wasabi Fumi Furikake. Despite the wasabi in the name it's not hot at all. (Just to add another odd fact: High quality wasabi is not hot - the cheap stuff is.)

Akachan loves rice too and it's healthy. In fact when she had tummy problems, our vet at the times suggested a diet for a couple of days of plain white rice and skinless boneless chicken breasts cooked. Akachan thought she was living high on the hog - she was reluctant to go back to dog food.

It was tonight's curious event that left me posting about it on Facebook, but I noticed that Akachan was down to one Freezy Pup so I mentioned it to my husband; Josh had to make some more. But they take a few hours of freezing before they icy goodness can be consumed and Akachan was laying down at the bottom of the stairs whining. The whine that sounded like if a dog could break down in tears for she-can't-have-what-she-wants-now...like a spoiled six year old wanting that candy bar 'fore dinner but knows better then to throw a fit spiel.

I'll own up to the fact I was feeling bad due to her whine. She rarely whines like that, actually, and Josh was surprised that he heard it for he's usually not attuned to her talk of whine and other 'talking' sounds she makes. Josh hears her easily when she barks though.

So I went down and made some - really easy to follow formula I use and well, it does take about 25 minutes.

Recipe calls for 1/2 cup of rice per person and a cup of water per portion. So for one cup of rice is two cups of water. (I use Botan calrose rice for best results.)

After you have the rice in the water, bring it to a boil. Then drop the heat down to medium heat and let it simmer for about 5 minutes or until the water is practically gone. Then turn the heat down to low, cover it for about ten minutes - very important at this part for steam is what does the trick. Last part is to take it off the heat, still covered, and let it sit for another ten minutes - hard to do when *hungry* and it smells soo good! Akachan usually fusses at me during this time too - she doesn't understand why the rice needs more steam time, but it does. LOL

A few pointers - I don't use long or extra long rice, just doesn't have the same results. If not using Botan you may have to wash the rice, which is basically rinsing the rice until the water is practically clear. I usually stir the rice once after bring it down from the boil, I don't stir it again until after the ten minute 'rest' time to fluff it up. A good timer is your friend here - since I usually not in the kitchen when it's simmering or steaming and Akachan doesn't keep good time at all. But Akachan will stay in the kitchen until she gets her share though.

Well, I'm finished with my bowl and I got a whine from Akachan again. It's not the one that moves me to pity her, it's her impatient tone of "are you done yet?!?" for she knows I usually can't eat all my rice...

I think Josh may be on to something about how I can differentiate on Akachan's different whines, whuffs, barks, and other sounds she makes as well as her body language as being pretty proficient in 'Dogese' to the point he often will ask me to translate. LOL

Busy lately? How'd you guess?!?

2011-08-04T03:23:00.000-05:00

Okay, granted, it's not that bad yet - but these days definitely make me feel that sentiment often. It's probably one of the reasons why I haven't been blogging is that I've been busy. Well, I do realize that's an excuse that's been used by a lot of people often to ad nauseum let's explore, shall we?

I am if I can cross my T's and dot my I's (and not the other way around) I can be graduating from Art Institute Online in late September. Wow. It's a big milestone to wrap my head around. I think I threw my instructor a monkey wrench when he realized my biggest passion in game design is writing. I think I can do the 3D Modeling without too much of an hassle, but let's own up to it - I like writing stories and my imagination's pretty vivid, so why not pursue an angle that fits me? (It also fits me in a different way: writers tend to be the unsung heroes in game design.)

Work tends to be okay, with Thursday being my favorite day so far - Truck day! Yes, I know I'm not normal. I actually finding dating boxes, sorting them, stacking them up in a long cart to play Tetris in the freezer then the refrigerator fun. Then I work on fixing up the storage room and making sure it's 'just right' since dayshift usually has time to open boxes to nab what's needed but putting things away with the truck date on them isn't something they have time to do. Y'know they're responsible for prepping the food, most of the huge orders happen during that time, and general chaos. But it doesn't excuse them from all the side work in my opinion. Heh!

There's naturally other things, like friends, gaming (Perfect World International), and my hobbies. I enjoy beading, and oddly enough I think I'm pretty decent with it. Bead loom, peyote stitch, general designs, yup, I do that pretty well.

Drawing hasn't taken a backseat either with me finally getting a new tablet. I'm almost finished with the dragon I'm working on in Corel Painter IX. All I got to say with Corel that the same tactic applies with Photoshop - layering is your friend. Therefore when there's a 'oops' you don't erase everything - or need to tweak, tweak the corresponding layer - not the entire nine yards.

I'll try to be a little more active here. If not feel free to ready the wet noodles for flogging, 'kay? LOL

Ah, work....

2010-11-30T06:35:00.001-06:00

Okay, I somehow manage to enjoy work. I presume I retain some semblance of sanity due to a sarcastic and dry sense of humor. The constant barrage of sounds and almost persistent state of chaos is a constant source of distraction; somehow I manage the most of the time resuming the task I was doing 'fore I was needed elsewhere for the moment.

But the rub isn't all the tasks per se; I don't mind cleaning at all. In fact I used to hate doing the dishes (all of them have to be done by hand there's no spiffy washing machine like some establishments have) but actually now grew to like it. Minus the pain in my lower back from the sink being a little low for my height, the plus is it gets me away from customers. I tend to work faster when I have them organized too, and start off with a clean sink. Seems lately the ideal state to leave the sinks (and much of the workplace for that matter) is messy as it may get and give two figs about the oncoming shift at all. (They used to be worse, but still there are days, there are days.)

Really, I'll admit that does bake my noodle at times - not only due I have to get myself acclimated to the constant ruckus to get my bearings - I have to now look at the 'It's-near-four-o'clock-THANK-GOD' pandemonium. Which often varies in intensity, really - depends on who's working. If it's the Boss or another co-worker - I'll just call her Sassy - the storm is extremely mild; other times I honestly believe when three o'clock hits their minds shut down on anything past four o'clock and it shows very often.

I know day shift gets crazy. I'm not talking just insanely busy, I'm talking of a headless-chicken-running-on-a-hot-plate crazy - but so often I come in and they're not busy, no customers. So why couldn't they make sure things are stocked and sweep up the little war on the floor? I know they were rooting for the jalapenos (or was it the lettuce this time?) but come on, they're not expecting the Broom Inquisition so it's best to drop it on them unawares.

I've previously mentioned some of my co-workers, but just to make it more rounded out here's a few more:

Boss: Make no mistake, she's friendly, very approachable, and knows practically everything related to work too. She's such a character it's a hoot to work for her. Very honest and an excellent manager in my opinion for she doesn't go on power trips. Heck no, for everyone (well almost) knows better. When Boss is happy all is pretty darn well.

Sassy: Takes no nonsense and gives none. Plenty of spunk to spare, she's known to raise hell with rude/nasty customers too. I can't blame her for taking action against the incredible entitlement some customers think they have either. (One former worker said we had the rudest customers she's seen and worked several Subways.) I tend to get along with her very well since she's also well versed in snark too.

Sunny: She's opposite of me: she's very social, bubbly, and expressive. If I wanted to know the latest on the workplace rumor mill, she'd know it.She has a lot of energy too, but sometimes it's not directed towards the task at hand very efficiently. Her attempts to get snarky with me is fun for the details will prove to be sufficient ammo for me snarking back. (Details, Sunny, details - general idea will always get screwed over if the details don't line up first.)

More to come, for I gotta get up in a few - getting herded off to bed by my dog and she has spouse support to boot.

When the heart finally catches up...

2010-09-28T05:27:00.001-05:00

I knew this was coming. Honestly. Intellectually it's the part of the cycle of life. Every beginning has an end. Sure, that was something I can handle.

Unfortunately with me, my heart and mind do not necessarily stay synced; so I was feeling out of sorts for a few days until I learned that my grandfather-in-law passed away finally today when it really gained more emphasis. He was in hospice for a week prior only turning for the worse Friday. If I care to be honest I was dreading the moment when he did finally kick the bucket, bite the Big One, went on home to heaven. The man lived almost 98 years, loved Grandma for 74 of them. She was the only one for him too. He was a very quiet man with a gentle way and a great sense of humor, and a disarming presence. I know it sounds strange, but I found myself being able to relax and be me; not trying to make myself acceptable to him. I got the reassurance if he thought you weren't up to par, he'd let you know.

I worked this weekend as my usual schedule. Josh had to take his mother, Patty, up to the retirement home where her parents lived for quite some time now due to me recovering from my work stint. (For me it's very stressful environment - a lot of different people, way too much background noise that I can't block out like normal people can, and so much going on at one time! But luckily for me, some co-workers and my boss makes it bearable. I usually appreciate the following day after my 'stint' to be anti-social as possible: stay in a quiet bed sleeping much of the day away. I find if I don't have a crash day I tend to drag for the rest of the week.)

So this morning - 'evening' for me - Josh finally recovered enough to tell me how his day went (the last few days have been very stressful for him too). Five minutes before they signed in, Gramps passed away. Before he took his final breath, he opened his eyes to find Grandma looking at him holding his hand saying, "I love you and it's okay for you to go now." Then he closed his eyes and breathed his last.

The love that they have and how it was displayed touched me. I was beginning to tear up, my heart finally catching up to what my mind already knew. (I don't think death stops love ever. Call me a romantic if that makes your quills any sharper for the 'realists' out there. *raspberry*) While I was beginning to cry, a song came to mind that I haven't heard for some time which broke the dam wide open for me:

Love, Me

Sung by Collin Raye.

I read a note my Grandma wrote back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me
He said, "Boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago,
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I love your Grandma so.

We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter, and this is what it said :

"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away
In the doorway of the church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray
I know I've never seen him cry in all my fifteen years
But as he said these words to her, his eyes fill up with tears

"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

So while Josh was telling me about the final arrangements and here I was crying, finally just snuggling up to him for I felt too vulnerable to sob alone. Poor hubby just hugged me until the storm passed. Emotionally I sometimes feel like a desert - pretty arid, but when it rains, it's a downpour.

I feel better now, and more like myself; somehow his passing isn't something I'm going to 'fight' since now I've accepted it: Someone that I love is no longer physically here. Will I cry again? Possible. Grief doesn't evaporate like dew on the grass in the early morning, it's a process in of itself that has its own pace. Like water, I need to go with the flow and let it out since it's a poor idea to keep emotions stagnant for they become toxic that way.

Pursuing the purse...

2010-09-07T05:23:00.000-05:00

Don't worry, I don't think I'd ever have to go do that 'matching shoes' deal with it.

For years unending I didn't have what seems to be a must for every woman - a purse. Honestly, thought it was not that needed. Still not 100% sure it's an absolute must have, but it's nice. Hubby doesn't mind having a bag to carry around things, but for some reason I had a hang up about it.

At work I tend to one of those sillys that just can't use the pens the job provides - after all, where's the fun if everyone's writing in black or blue? So I got me some colored pens: true blue (blue pens at work tend to run the navy blue-ish color which is traditional), pink, orange, green, purple, and gray. Gray's the coolest in my opinion, it's not black but still dark! So looking up who wrote down what is so much easier - just look for splashes of color. Yes, I was fair and did buy pens to give to some co-workers but I think they took theirs home. Have yet to see someone else write in colors, but no one has yet complained - so guess being a little colorful isn't too bad. (Did I ever mention I work at Subway?)

Then there's the datebook. Got more dates to keep track of then when I work and when assignments are due; so I got a little day to day book so I can write down things and keep myself a bit more organized. Unfortunately it can't fit in my back pocket and if I don't have it on me, I don't use it. I did grow to detest the random scraps of paper with appointment information scribbled on it scattered all over my desk, so I figured I needed to get a system started of sorts. I did try Sticky notes, honest, but they are so distracting on the monitor and if the sticky lost its tackiness... I didn't want to end up with a very tacky situation I witnessed one time: a supervisor I knew had sticky for stickies - his workplace was a post-it storm with scattered clear spots.

I tend to also have stray thoughts I need to write down from time to time - or they run off again and good luck remembering what they were. Ideas, lists of things to do, appointments to make, and inventory numbers for work. I did carry paper in my wallet and a pen, but it was getting a bit ridiculous even for me. I used a little Chinese red brocade backpack with golden dragons on it, but was afraid of it becoming a causality of stains from work... One of my co-workers is notorious when it comes to working with anything relating to sauces - I'm still wondering how she manages to get sauces under the cutting board when she's working the veggie section and if she's refilling them there's no telling where sauce splash will be found. I tend to be a lot neater, so I often get the task to fill the sauce bottles.

So it dawned on me one evening, while visiting my sister-in-law after taking our niece out to eat that I may have to actually get one of those 'necessities'. I asked her if she'd want to help me look for a little purse, not a saddle bag - sorry, they're actually called satchels - and I could have knocked her over with a feather. We set up a day and time, and I regretted not having a camera to catch her expression for it was truly priceless.

When the day came, I learned how very different I was from Billie - purses she thought were cute were too frilly in my opinion. Some she liked generated the ick sensation to me - I didn't care for the texture of some. But I did find a purse, one that was better then the little pack I was using for it had more then two pockets and had inner pockets too. So I put all my pens for work, datebook, other stuff, little origami paper (yes, I like to do origami while waiting for the doctor or my order or just waiting in general), and other little niceties in it. It's not crammed full and I still carry a wallet in my jeans. My Scooby Doo wallet, of course - what, you'd think I'd let my show of whimsy be in colorful ink?

Sweet Tooth

2010-06-02T15:37:00.000-05:00

Well, here's my dragon finally fully sprited:

He's inspired by gummi/marshmellow candy. True he went from having four main colors down to two, but think he looked a lot better this way then me fussing with a ton of different hues!

Josh and I are going up to a dear friend's house to visit this weekend, and bringing the munchies...can't have a good gaming session without the truly good stuff either. Must have chocolate, mint milanos, orange milanos (me), and some other goodies!

So could say I'm bringing on the Sweet Tooth in two different ways!

Spriting...'new' fun media for me.

2010-05-21T02:43:00.004-05:00

I'll admit it. I've seen the neat things people have done with this art form - used in icons (old fashioned now) and console games. Finally yesterday I finally chomped down and tried it.

Using GraphicsGale, which I find refreshingly easier to use then some other programs which shall remain nameless I made my first sprite:

Now, just to finish sketching the body to get Sweet Tooth done. He's a dragon made of gummi and marshmellow candy, yet oddly enough I don't have any of such sweets around me. I need to make a mental note of that and get it corrected, after all, it would help a lot in ensuring accuracy, no? Not to mention a nice break from chocolate (minus the daily requirement).

I will admit spriting tends to be for those of meticulous natures - for the idea is to have every pixel the right color and for the color scheme to be 16 colors (for traditionalists anyhoo). I find it rather addicting actually...

Overcoming Inertia

2010-05-18T02:37:00.001-05:00

(Not quite sure how to title this post, truth to be told, but it works.)

It started with me wanting to link a fansite of Dragon Eggs which I use to hatch mine (along with a few others). Then noticing the splash of lovely color on my monochrome settings, decided that I needed to make the headliner for those eggs were requesting some company.

Now that I started linking my scroll and that one fansite, been wondering if I should link the other sites I visit and other interests. Wouldn't hurt, I guess, but I find it amusing like tugging on a loose thread on a sweater until realizing that I'm unraveling the garment. Um, oopsies...

I have been 'more or less' herded to a site to list anime that I've watched from someone I've met on Dragon Cave. Okay, not a problem really save for going downstairs and listing all the ones we have - and recalling the titles of the ones I watched while in taking Japanese in middle school. But to clarify, in Japanese class we watched the anime in Japanese with English subtitles as a way to get used to native speech. Josh prefers English only due to the fact he's not a very quick reader which isn't much of a rub for me either since I don't care to watch TV alone. I prefer to read, browse forums (okay, reading online), game (which requires some more reading), or doing art.

Which brings me to the next phase...deviant art's website to host artwork. Wouldn't hurt, I suppose, probably do more good then harm - and be another little nudge to do more art, eh?

Losing the war against inanimate objects...

2010-05-10T05:17:00.000-05:00

Yesterday at work I was taking so long doing the task at hand my coworker was looking at me puzzled. I explained, "Losing the war against inanimate objects." She shook her head and grinned. I am a klutz which is pretty much par for me due to having very good fine motor control, but sorry gross motor control in general. (I can draw very well and have decent hand-eye coordination; first and last dance I ever went to my boyfriend at the time had spent most of the time rolling on the floor laughing with tears streaming down his face at my attempts to dance.)

I'll admit, I find the food handling gloves a royal pain to use sometimes - have just smidgen damp hands and the gloves will catch; next size up is not going to help either. Add to the fact that trying to pull them past the 'catch' will cause those flimsy things to rip, and no wonder I usually tell the customers to give me a minute as I wash my hands so I can dry them enough to put on the gloves. (Trust me, I've tried just 'drying' my hands - doesn't work. Grr!)

My class currently in college is driving me a bit bonkers too. Well, to back it up a bit, I did start two classes but had to drop out of one due to the fact the class in question was no place to start learning about the software...and when I voiced this to my academic counselor she said I should have learned it in another class. Oddly enough that software was never covered when I was in that class so now is the time for me to um, nab a beginner's book on the software and teach myself so I don't have this cuss fest waiting to happen again. Sadly enough though due to frustration in that class, I was doing poorly in both, and I'll be lucky if I can pass the class I'm currently in.

I think part of it may be due to the fact I am getting burned out - work, school, house makeover going on, and drama (I got some serious drama llamas in my family) it was only a matter of time 'fore I need to take a break from one of them. Well, it seems taking a semester off school is what's on the schedule and hope with the time off I can learn the software and be less stressed when I take the class again.

Guess I'll blog later once my thoughts get in resemblance of order for they're beginning to fray due to needing to sleep.

As the storm rages on...

2010-04-28T00:49:00.001-05:00

I'll admit, I probably should blog more, but when life gets crazy tend to blog when the insanity blows over - or while being in the 'eye of the storm'. For I don't think the situations aren't finished yet for there is a intuitive feel of waiting for the other shoe to drop....

A very good friend of mine has in my opinion, applied for sainthood for being married to this insult to the male gender for over four years. (One of those 'guys' that think that 'wife' is synonymous with 'mother'.He is known to throw tantrums on par with a six year old to boot when he doesn't get his way as well.) He's in the military and he screwed up on the job which could result in loss of rank. His solution to the problem? Own up to the error and take responsibility? Ha, that's something only a real men would do - integrity is suppose to be one of the three values of the military branch he's in; but for his worthless ass to admit he's not perfect is not plausible in his little universe.

So he puts the blame on his family, and says that all his stress would be taken care of if he would eliminate his problems - my friend, her mother, and their children. He starts asking her if she got a call that he was 'loose, armed, and homicidal' what she would do. When she showed common sense and replied that she would go into hiding, call law enforcement, and such he was disappointed. He thought they would meet him on the front porch and be supportive. What the heck is that line of thinking that buys being lined up TARGETS is supportive to someone wanting them dead???

Yes, I can point out facts that show how little he thinks of them - he never spent the actual Christmas holiday with them (always claiming that he had to work) in the time I've known them; gifts for my friend on her birthday or the anniversary practically non-existent; 'meetings' and a work schedule that keeps him away from his family - and never informs her of his work plans. Oh, they had plans for something? Sorry, can't do for he needs to be do x-y-z now, he just remembered. He often clamors for food items that when bought and brought home, he decides he doesn't want - but anyone else's treats are fair game to him; asking for permission doesn't apply to him. When playing with the girls, he's always the villain and often makes them upset, which is very telling there. I think I'd have fingers to spare on one hand when he actually played with them and not be the bad guy.

I would have to admit with my friend, her relationship with him could be easily labeled with emotional, verbal, and mental abuse. He tried to raise his hand to her once, but after he got his butt kicked by her he didn't try that route again. Instead he went the route that does the most damage, but leaves little evidence compared to physical abuse.

He also had spyware installed on her computer and other little 'stunts' to constantly monitor her. Webcam's closed but the power's still on and it's active; my hubby sent my friend a message on her Facebook account and my friend didn't answer, instead it was that petty excuse for the man who sent a instant message to my hubby from his account. It was only to her, but yet he answered. Thanks for giving the evidence needed that she had every right to be paranoid - she had no privacy, but he had his and his own room that he kept often closed and stuffed so full that a hoarder would be impressed.

Fed on ideas he got from digging in the trash of porn, he claimed that normal intimacy would not work for him. Wake up call, moron, start using the brain that is attached to the cerebrum that has shrunk due to atrophy - porn is fantasy, not reality. Your type of ideology has been quite thoroughly examined in Why Women Hate Men. So I don't even have to go there really, but since the idea that she is a person equal to you that exists past what your needs and wants is alien concept is sad. You are so lacking in an epiphany to show you how off kilter your little world is, and when it does happen it'll be such a nasty karma backdraft that has been a long time coming.

When the military got involved in the situation, did they order him to stay away from my friend and the rest of the family? Yes, but it lacked holding power for the first sarge so conveniently "forgot" to sign the paperwork. He was also playing both sides and personally I can tell you how the crappy first sarges will screw over others they are suppose to take care of to play it safe and watch out for their own career. (One first sarge almost got canine marked once for he had the audacity to show up after he did NOTHING to help in my husband's medical situation and ask me questions about his whereabouts. Akachan sensed how upset I was at him was going to take matters into her own teeth until my friend intervened and pulled her away.) Personally if I was that first sergeant, I'd get him committed and examined for making those serious threats - the military doesn't need any more black and bloody eyes in the media from military members killing off their own families! But then again, doing such could jeopardize his career, his clearance, what-have-you...which is already under fire from his own stupidity.

There is more, of course, but that shall have to wait...

Probably the best shirt I've seen in awhile!

2010-02-09T16:32:00.000-06:00

I got this shirt the other day at Hot Topic and due to my dislike of Twilight in general I had to get it. But this shirt's from Jinx.com. (For some reason I couldn't get a link to it in the Hot Topic site due to so many Twilight bloody t-shirts it's like dragging a cat to a bath for me to go wade through all of it to just to find this one.)

Just had to post about it - got other topics running loose in my head I prolly should blog about, but got to chase 'em down first so they're a little bit more coherent and easier to follow.

Logic...and other things.

2009-11-19T02:01:00.001-06:00

This class I'm in, Logic, seems to be a bit of a challenge for me. Maybe for a variety of different reasons (scattered focus, divergent thinker versus analytical) it's almost like learning another language. Almost. Japanese tended to be more fun though. I think I might have remembered enough from my high school years though to make a good fool of myself. Then anyone who knows me would argue that's very easy for me to do - I don't mind making fun of myself afterall.

My last class was for designing interior and exteriors for gaming. Very fun class and challenging. Posted the final of my interior - the exterior wasn't my favorite, so bleh on showing it. LOL Both though was a lot of work, but a word of advice in 3ds Max - group, clone/copy, and paste is your friend! In interiors it seems easier to get by with a symmetrical look then exteriors though and may be why I like the interior so much. I need to make some characters though for my portfolio though, and that'll be interesting to say the least.

But jumping back to the Logic topic, I think part of it is not having my book in front of me. I have it coming in the mail and the needed chapter for the first week downloaded - but I guess reading it on screen doesn't quite help it sink in as well as having pages to turn. (Could also be the tabs I have up reading on commenting on various blogs to boot. Just maaybe..)

But I guess in Logic I best be gettin' well acquainted in scrutizing the details - for how it's said and what is said is what hangs arguments or make them viable. For it's all good to have premises for an argument, but if the conculsion doesn't jive then it's just so much smoke. Coming to think about that I wonder how many arguments I've read about or heard would fail if really examined? Curious train of thought, eh?

I can have focus?

2009-08-27T02:44:00.000-05:00

I'll admit there's a lot of things going through my mind right now, and while that might be the norm for me some of it seems to be a bit staggering to contemplate.

Oh where to start....for basically started up earlier this week and the momentum has not shown any signs of slowing down yet. The fun rub would be trying to organize it, but if anything was learned about myself and ADD - need to get someone who's a bit better at analytical thinking to help. Divergent thinking is something I'm good at, but going around in circles sometimes doesn't get you very far.

I have been off Strattera for quite some time - and well, the focusing effect it had plateaued before that. Which made classes a bit hellish for me - trying to focus to learn and then my brain decides it's time to go into sleep mode. Couldn't even do activities for long that I even enjoy like EverQuest or other games. Made me miss the ability to focus, that's the truth.

But I finally got a doctor - who actually did something that leaves me puzzled for it was something that the military docs wouldn't do: prescribe me an ADD medication that is a stimulant. (I was on non-stimulants before - Strattera and Wellbutrin to be precise.) He prescribed me Vyvanse - which surprised me for it was a medication I haven't heard before. The medication has a high success rates for adults with ADD and results were seen with in the first week (to one report actually as little as 90 minutes!) Not to mention the drug company that makes Vyvanse has tips, etc. as well. (Shire is what makes Vyvanse by the way, just don't ask me why the above linked article misspelled the medication's name.) Well, Vyvanse made it's debut in 2008 from what I can tell from old Google; and while there are other stimulants that can be used to treat ADD besides the well-known Ritalin that is used for kids a lot but for some reason the military docs didn't want to prescribe one to me.

The rub though is this - it's the first day on this medication and my mind feels clearer then it used to be even when Strattera used to have its effects. But I have noticed that my poor brain still can't filter worth crap all the stimuli being shoved it's way - in my book there's no such animal called silence, since I lack the ability to block out what should be deemed background noise. (I know ADD tips usually say no to playing music, but music I have listened to upteenth times on a headset seems to help me focus better then trying to block out the laptop's fan, my fingers hitting the keyboard keys, the TV in the other room, and the hum of the air conditioner.) However choosing to focus on something I hope will be easier...or just need to get better carrots for difficult tasks...

But a lot of 'hmmm' to go around about that...for I have yet to find anything that states that stimulants are bad for the inattentive ADDer. Oh, by the way, (being blindsided here with a runaway thought) did you know psycharists have grouped ADD folks into 'six' categories? Found that pretty curious that I'm mostly a pooh type with piglet tendencies. ROFL (Interesting site, but finding their 'natural' treatment kind of iffy, if only due to the fact I have been on a similar diet before and found no improvement for me - lost weight, but still couldn't focus. Not to mention Heaven forbid I give up chocolate - one peice a week? *faints* I dunno about that for I gotta have my chocolate! Mostly I'm a good gal and stick with the dark chocolate.)

The more I research ADD, the more I tend to get irked when I come across a site that tends to cater to kids and not adults. Hallo, peoples, ADD is something you don't grow out of - and being undiagnosed and simply considered 'speshul' as a kid kind of sucked. For it seems the web is overflowing with kid related ADD issues then adults...no wonder why the myth is around that ADD is a 'child condition' I guess.

The other little fun tidbit is Friday that Josh and I are suppose to get the keys to our house FINALLY. It'll be interesting to say the least. Oooh, reminds me, for some serious snickers and grins, should post the 70's wallpaper and carpet here.

What's been going on...

2009-08-11T17:14:00.000-05:00

Figures. I sit down and finally look at the web addy for my blog and realize that I can't spell. So go through the rigmarole to get that fixed.

A lot has happened since I blogged and looking back it's a lot. My husband's medically retired, we moved from Maryland to Swamp East Missouri, went house hunting, and actually did find a house. Get the keys for it later this month and then it's DIY time for us...which might be a lot easier on me then the whole planning color schemes for the rooms. Yeah, might not get any sympathy from some folks, but after living nearly ten years with walls of flat white paint getting the color wheel thrown at me and told to choose is traumatizing. (Well, the color wheel was not literally thrown at me, but figuratively speaking!) Yes, I said "is" not "was" for I still have to figure out my computer room and I think yesterday finally figured out the colors for the bedroom. Kitchen's Josh's domain and that's more or less figured out too...let's see here, then there's his room (I don't have to fuss with that one), the sitting room upstairs, and the huge living room downstairs with a fireplace to boot.

While we're waiting to get the keys so we can rip up that fugly wallpaper and shag/sheepdog shag carpet (to be fair there was non-shag in the bathrooms and kitchen but ugh) and modernize the house a bit. It was well taken care of, but never left the groovy '70's!

Currently making sure Patty, Josh's mom, is getting prerequisite filled for being a saint for having us live with her in the mean time. Granted we're not terribly messy, we do help out with the chores - but still I think we're all used to our own 'place'. I know Patty's cat, Smokey, was in shock for a while, but now I think she likes Akachan...just well enough to flatten her ears, hiss, spit, growl/yowl, and take a swipe at her. She doesn't hide in the corner now...and Akachan is still trying to get a friendly sniff in every now and then. Akachan doesn't push her luck, and well, Smokey doesn't seem to mind giving her vocal cords a work out either. It's pretty amusing stuff at times. (Picture: Smokey in her basket.)

Finding "luck" is for those mindful of details...

2009-04-22T01:08:00.000-05:00

I have found a way to deal with Akachan and her old lady gossip way of walking. Yes, my dog views walking very much like I see reading blogs or billeting boards on the web - much to see (or sniff) and usually leave a reply behind. I usually can tell if it's a good doggie 'post' if Akachan needs a good tug on the leash to continue the walk!

Yes, funny way to see it, I suppose, but scientists say dog's markings leaves behind the message of sex, age, and current mood. So prolly personal ads might be closer to canine equivalent, but I don't view those unless they're being so candidly dissected by Weasel of Why Women Hate Men.

With the spring comes the return of clovers - and as I'm letting Akachan do her 'reading' - I'll look for the deviance in the pattern - the lucky four leaf clover. So far I've spotted and picked three of them this year, and for me they're simple to spot. I don't need to bend over to look at the clovers that closely either. But usually I'm not allotted a lot of time on viewing the patch - before she gets finished with that particular post and then replies. (I moderate her replies all the time, for no one likes to get the troll or flame posts on their shoes! Those get bagged for the trash can. But it gets my goat all the time that dogs go for their walk and the owners don't clean up after them - it makes me wonder if they are also trollish on the web? We all have heard how pets do reflect their owners...)

Am I superstitious? Maybe a tad, for it's kind of whimsy fun with the four leaf clovers. When I find one, that's when I bend down for a closer look - for sometimes the four leaf clover is a fluke - two leaves on the top of the stem with a considerable space between another two leaves. I don't pick those for I don't want to have a funky spin on my luck - well, more then it usually does! But since it's good luck to give them away, I usually press them when I get home so I can make a "A bit O'Luck" card with them to mail to friends and family. More of a whimsy deal, true, but sometimes just letting someone know you wish they were having a better time can make them feel less stressed.

Rather funny how good luck is to be found by those observant of details. By no means, just because I'm good at appreciating details doesn't mean I'm good at following them. Give me a form to fill out and better not be a single copy is all I have to say - I have a horrid time with providing details. Drawing tends to be my one of my hobbies, but completing a drawing - adding all the details - tends to be a rarity due to my focus wanes or I get frustrated for what I see somehow gets jumbled on translation to paper. Writing on the other hand, has been greatly appreciated by modern technology - I type just about as fast as I think it. If I had to still write it down, I can do it, but it's in pencil for a very good reason since my thoughts tend to race faster then my fingers can jot them down.

Perhaps I need to practice drawing and handwriting more - don't mind the involuntary shudder there - so I can be less intimidated by all that blank space paper can have. Forms tend to carry the same tendency of dread for me, but they want details in certain spots - hence the rub. I'm bad on dates and some forms get all screwy for they want the information on top of the little label for the blank space - or below it. These are reasons why I feel like strangling some form makers sometimes - have it one way or the other for all the forms. I sometimes wonder if these people need a person with learning disabilities to critique these doggone things - it'd save on paper, embarrassment, and frustration. For giving me five or six different forms with the designated blanks marked differently is not the best way for me to kill time before seeing the doctor or whatever/whomever those bloody things are needed for.

There's the finish line....oh, whoops, it's over there!

2008-10-16T09:26:00.000-05:00

*sigh* Mentally that's me these days, feel like I'm running about on many different tracks of thought and when I see that finish line, I trip over it, and do a spectacular face plant in it. Of course when I'm running more then one track of thought at the same time, the tripping leave me pretty much mummy wrapped in the finish line tape and honestly can't say I truly finish that race until I get myself untangled. Don't mind the nervous chuckle, really, it's just my warped sense of humor out to play until the next distraction. Maybe soon I'll actually get back on a semi-normal sense of focus, but for now let's see what tracks I have been running on - *wince* - not in any special order of importance, here they are:

Dental. Yup, that temporary filling I had put in a couple days of a go that was suppose to hold me over the appointment this last Monday came out. Monday came, the dentist thanked me for taking most of it out jokingly until he got a closer look at that tooth - why the filling fell out was I ate something that cracked the tooth in twain. So I can un-scratch that off the list - that tooth is no where closer to being 'done' now. Needs more work now!

Halloween. I'm falling behind on this one - or am I? - for the decorations aren't out yet, but at least I got some candy and the little treat bags. But they're needing to be filled and 'fore I can do that I need to get some trinkets to put in there - little glow in the dark snakes or some such. For just little bags full of candy is so plain. Speaking of such, need to get more candy - can't have treat bags with no chocolate!

(And yes, isn't that kitten just cute? Moving right a long... Yes, thanks for noticing I'm a fan of www.icanhascheezburger.com.)

Where was I? Okay, um, Dental, Halloween, oh yeah - school! I'm currently taking classes online with the Art Institute Online (Division of Art Institute of Pittsburgh) for a degree in Game Art & Design. For the current class that I'm in the assignment was to design a character and for me I thought I'd take an idea I had since I was like twelve for she's cute and a way to relieve stress. *raspberry* Apparently my instructor for this course has a twisted sense of humor and decided that we need to work on someone else's. So someone gets my little cutesy Zumple to work on and I got to work on their psychopath. So much for combining stress relief and homework, eh? I'll draw one and post it later.

Then of course, naturally, there's more: housework - one room down, the rest of the house to go; the whole Hubby getting medically discharged from the military scene; and other random bits but they're lost in the shuffle...

Medical blues...

2008-10-03T15:07:00.000-05:00

Poor hubby. He got last Thursday a procedure to check how his nerves are doing and basically what the docs did is poke a hole in his spine so they can dye the spinal fluid so it's easier to see how the nerves are via the CAT scan. (I know, so medically technical here, ain't I?)

Well, week later he's having some nasty migraines caused by the hole in his spine not healing up, so they had to do a blood patch yesterday. So the docs drew some of his blood and put it in the original hole to force the body to plug it up so he'd quit having those horrendous headaches. Which left me driving home from the hospital.

I'll admit driving is not my favorite activity, namely because there's so much to keep an eye out for and so many other potential distractions that could be had. Driving it right up there after house work for me, especially on the freeway - got to love those who drive that spell Preparation with an H and use stealth blinkers...really got to love folks who plan ahead on what exit they need and prepare for it by driving nearly horizontal to the exit from the farthest lane from the exit.

So to give my nerves something to do, besides drive myself nuts, I started chewing some sugarfree gum and started towards home from the hospital. I don't even get on the freeway when I feel something yank out of a tooth and stop chewing for there was sudden change from the sticky and soft texture of the gum to hard and very solid. Got it out of my mouth and whined to myself - there went my temporary filling. *sigh*

So we got home, and then called the dentist. He wanted to see me now. I brought a friend a long for hubby needed to rest and I hate going to the dentist alone. Doctors? No problem....but for some reason I get edgy with dental work being done. I can't blame my childhood dentist for a traumatic experience, for that's a lie; but those military dentists on the other hand, um, some of them probably lead to my anxiousness for dental stuff. Just have a dentist start drilling 'fore your numb completely a time or two and well, I don't blame you for getting a heart rate spike for just setting down in the chair!

So the dentist put in another temp filling - I was squeezed in and my appointment is later this month for getting my tooth closer to finish. Root canals, oh the joy...but to be fair, the dentist I go to is a great guy and has a easy-going, gentle demeanor with eyes that sparkle with humor. But after he was done he asked how the first temporary filling came out. I told him I was doing something I usually don't do: chewing gum.

"Why were you chewing gum then?" he asked.
"For hubby had a procedure out in Bethesda and I had to drive THE BELTWAY !!" was my exasperated reply with my hands flying about in emphasis. "I was trying to get myself to relax a bit for I was so tense." (For those not in the Washington DC area, I-495 and I-95 make up the infamous Beltway.)

He chuckled at that. Looking back I can't blame him, for I must've looked pretty silly explaining myself like that with half of my face feeling fat and happily numb...

Individual vs. Society - "Cult of the Individual"

2008-09-30T01:16:00.000-05:00

I'll admit, I'm been thinking about this on and off and then well, on again obviously for I'm writing about it. Again this is one of those subjects that can be broken down somewhat nicely for better discussion too - but for the sake of argument, going to stick to the society I'm from - American/Western. (I've read up on a few other societies, true, but I don't think I'm anywhere near competent to discuss them.)

A lot of this, could be summed up in the "Cult of the Individual" - which in an ideal society, everyone is treated as royalty and it's all about them basically. Granted, it was a noble idea from the Silent Generation (if I remember my popular culture history worth squat), but kind of full of holes.

For in this mindset is the presumption that everyone is responsible, respectful, and intelligent. Unfortunately, in today's world, better luck finding wings spouting off pigs before everyone will be accountable for their own actions and the like. But don't take my word for it - it's all in the news and if you are sick of hearing the latest drama like I am - browse Mary's Why Men Hate Women, Weasel's Why Women Hate Men, and Fugly Horse of the Day. They have taken it into an art form to show you that there are a lot of irresponsible idiotic twits out there.

While the mindset of society would say it's not polite to point out their flaws - someone must - for how will they 'learn' what's socially acceptable? For if you think TV and movies do it, hoo, we as an society are in a dire need of a reality check or society's standards are getting lower. With thoughts of the last candidates of Weasel's and Mary's blogs that's scary!

Back when it was the parent's responsibility to teach their children what's acceptable behavior - something that feels like a disappearing tradition today - people acted more responsible it seems. Granted back then there was ugliness too - racism, sexism, and more but unfortunately they're learned behaviors that still plague society today.

Today, seems there's a lot of demand for respect but forget it's earned - it's not automatic. It's also hard to respect someone who has no respect for themselves as well, I mean, how respectable is it to call oneself "Slutbucket"? *sigh* Or demanding respect, but not giving it to others...again, may I direct you to either Weasel's or Mary's respective blogs for ample examples...? Hope you have brain bleach for some of them...

Well, if it became popular to have integrity, intelligence, and compassion more then to have the most toys or the flashiest bling maybe "Cult of Individual" type of mentality would work better then becoming a symptom of a dysfunctional society.

Got to chase down my thoughts and corral 'em for the next topic.

Any thoughts?

Herding Tips From Akachan For ADD Humans

2008-09-28T16:37:00.000-05:00

Okay. So it's an odd way to start a blog perhaps, but figure got to start somewhere. I have ADD or Attention Deficit Disorder - though it makes for some interesting quirks in learning heavy detailed courses in college, I try to overcome them.

Somehow, bless my mutt, Akachan figured out how to 'herd' me to tend to her needs. Unlike my husband who will bug me just because, Akachan only pesters me when she wants or needs something. Since she first came home at eight weeks old, Akachan picked up quick that her herding instincts would save some frustration for the both of us.

So from Akachan's point of view here's the list:

1) Get Eccentric Lady's attention. Growl-Talking usually works best from behind. Most effective when she's at the computer...

2) Stay with her. She's prone to distractions!

3) Crap, phone rang or some other form of interruption. Stay with her and get eye contact. Little coaxing via tail wagging to get her back on task.

4) Down the stairs, following her - ensure she gets to the door. Almost there...

5) Why couldn't she remember to switch the laundry over after taking me out? *sigh* Screw eye contact and tail wagging - time to get pushy. Start the sneeze fest!

6) She apologizes and picks up the leash. Hooray! About time! Quick stretch, and then sitting for the leash.

7) Outside and time to take care of business. Back inside for a treat. : )

It's a shame Akachan can't coax me to keep focus for other areas in life that I tend to have complications in, but at least don't have both of us upset for messes in the house that I feel I'd be partially to blame for.